when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
