i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I want a musical about memes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
