Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
