Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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