Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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