I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
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he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
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I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
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