Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
