you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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