I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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