her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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