You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
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