Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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