are you still at the devil's house?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
