my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Randomize
