Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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