Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
