As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
