ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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