So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
