I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
