I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
