Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
