he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
