Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So vagazzling was a success
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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