ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
