Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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