just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
