dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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