Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
