that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
