Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
