brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
