I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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