Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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