I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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