Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
