No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
