College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
did i just pee glitter
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