Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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