Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
