I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
