he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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