did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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