You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
