I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
