Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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