I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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