apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
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Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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