I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
