Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
