kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
how drunk are you?
Several
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
