youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you didnt know i had herpes?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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