eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
