Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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