i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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