I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
nutella sex= disaster
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
