Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
