OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Just puked most of my soul out..
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
