Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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