There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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