I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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