my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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