If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Princesses don't give blow jobs
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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