that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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