Can i not drive my cunt home
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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