I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You left your phone here
Wait...
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