kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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