Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
