I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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