you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
