This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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