This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
