About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
