Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
